i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
