All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
