sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
