I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish you could order shots online.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize