Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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