Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
