LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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