You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
