WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
