I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
