That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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