toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize