She said her name was "party"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
