You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
