hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
