so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
