that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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