tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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