Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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