i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
