if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
