If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
