when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
