Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize