Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
