So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
