happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
