he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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