TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
