he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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