the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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