I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to cum in my sink.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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