my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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