just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
