i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
