so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was confusing and full of hummus
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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