So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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