you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
