That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm too high and old for this...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
