This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
