i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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