Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
