Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
