If that was your dad, he is hot
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
be right there i have to get my cape
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
