We need to rekindle our bromance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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