Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
