it's great music for shaving your balls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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