Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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