I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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