It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Too much gin, very little bucket
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
