Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
