Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
