I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
