So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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