Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are we still banned from the library?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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