I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
