i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
