im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
