someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
