smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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