you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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