Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
