Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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