Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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