So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
