Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
