Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
