Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
