wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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